Service outage apology email from the USA

Dear World:

 The United States of America, your quality supplier of ideals of liberty
 and democracy, would like to apologize for its 2001-2008 service outage.

 The technical fault that led to this eight-year service interruption has
 been located, and the parts responsible for it were replaced Tuesday
 night, November 4. Early tests of the newly-installed equipment indicate
 that it is functioning correctly, and we expect it to be fully
 functional by mid-January.

 We apologize for any inconvenience caused by the outage, and we look
 forward to resuming full service — and hopefully even to improving it
 in years to come.

 Thank you for your patience and understanding,

 The USA

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